Happy Birthday, Gpa Clyde! We can't wait to see you. Thanks for your prayers. We all love you!

Random Thoughts

1. What I Know...

It's been 6 weeks. 6 very long weeks. So long I don't remember anything or anyone that happened before June 15, 2008. I've been in a foggy sleep deprived stance and I can barely put one foot in front of the other some days. But I can't complain. Not just because, "it could be worse", or that the babies are doing so well, or because I have a good attitude. I can't complain because of what I know. And what I know is that I have been led and prepared to this very point in life, and no matter how tired I get-I cannot deny that I know and knew:

• -I would have a hard time having children
• -that "this is not a punishment"
• -that I would have to endure fertility treatments several times
• -that the result would end in heartache at first
• -that by "next Mother's Day I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore"
• -that even though I wanted to give up, that we needed to give God "one more chance"
• -that I would get pregnant this time
• -that I would have twins
• -that they would be a boy and a girl
• -that I would have some scares, but in the end everything would work out
• -that I needed to "be prepared"
• -that they would come early
• -that they will be okay--but life won't be getting any easier from here on out!

I almost didn't go to church today-but I'm glad I did because it gave me a chance to ponder the great blessing of personal revelation. And I am so grateful for these and the countless other examples of how the Lord speaks to our minds and even if we miss it the first time around, we can look back and recognize how very carefully we are led. Even though these last four years have presented me with some of the "hardest things I'll ever have to do" I know that I was prepared and guided from a very young age. And I know that is how God loves us.

2. Like Family

Ryan and I heard several times going in to the whole NICU experience that the people there become like your family. I scoffed at this because I couldn't really believe that I would want a stranger to come to know my kids that well. But I have to say that I am finally a believer. And it's not just the nurses either. The other moms and dads have become a regular part of our hospital visit. We connect while scrubbing our hands over birth weights and oxygen levels, air temperature and mls of milk. When T got moved into his crib we rejoiced. When B had to stop feedings our heart sank. When we see the B family we count our blessings and we are careful not to brag about our kid's progress when we hear the mom say, "It's been 3 months, did you know that?" When the other monitors in the room beep, we check to make sure the nurses have noticed. And when someone goes home, it brings the rest of us so much hope. Ryan and I are slow to consider people heroes. But I think we both agree that these people who come in day after day to make sure that these little ones are well taken care of most certainly deserve the title. And I don't include us in that statement. To me I have learned more from them than I ever could imagine. I don't know the name of the woman with twin girls that I talk to everyday, but I do know what she believes. "Prayer can do amazing things," she says. Yes, it certainly can.

3. The First Lecture

In my spare time a few days ago, I picked up a copy of the book, "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. If you don't know, he was a professor who was asked to give a last lecture which I guess is a common occurrence in academia. You get to say what you would want to tell people in case it's your last chance. Well, in his case it really was his last chance. He died of cancer 2 days ago (coincidentally the day I started reading this). Some of what he had to say is related to his field and didn't mean much to me, but the rest of it I think can and should have a profound impact on the rest of us. You can look up the lecture and watch it on You Tube. I'm too lazy to include a link...anyway...

it got me thinking that I would want to create a "First Lecture". I'm not close to dying (I hope) but I definitely want my kids to have a legacy of me, and I hope that I can let them know what is important to me from the very beginning. I hope that I don't let "things" get in the way of truly showing them who we are as parents, and why we do what we do.

Things like self-esteem. Randy talks about his football coach and how hard he was. This is what he has to say about him:

"There's a lot of talk these days about giving children self-esteem. It's
not something you can give; it's something they have to build. Coach Graham
worked in a no-coddling zone. Self-esteem? He knew there was really only one way to teach kids how to develop it: You give them something they can't do, they
work hard until they find they can do it, and you just keep repeating the
process."

There are other bits of wisdom from this lecture that I have found enjoyable. I haven't finished it yet. But I've read enough to have thought all day about what I would want to write about if it were me. And I think that (at least in this moment) the most important thing I want my children and others to know is how happy we are being married to each other. That the only reason our family works is because "marriage is ordained of God" and we do our best to make each other happy. And I know that if we can continue to do this, there isn't much else to worry about.

So those are my thoughts today. Thanks for bearing with me. I know it's not that eloquent but I wanted to get it all down before I lost the motivation.

Oh, and Happy Birthday Royce!

Check

It's been bugging me that I have had "blog pics of nursery" on my To Do list for weeks now, so-here you go...this is mostly for posterity's sake, so I understand if you don't care about this, but I do just happen to think that this is one of the cutest rooms ever :)

view from the door

I'm not quite done with the curtain...still need to iron it and add cute buttons and fix the ribbon, but you get the idea

eventually there will be two of these. but hopefully not for several months because it is a small room!
The left hand wall...I am most proud of this one!

pics hanging above the bed mostly because I had extra pegs and needed something to fill the space. Somebody more artistic could probably have done a better job, but it's good enough for me!
everything on this shelf is something I owned as a baby.

on the right wall. if anyone has any ideas for book ends I would appreciate it :)

as you can tell, Rachel has a lot more stuff than Adam so far-poor guy.

This is the port-a-crib in our room where they will sleep most of the time when they come home. We're not really supposed to use those cushion things, but for right now it helps me imagine what it will be like when there are 2 bundles sleeping in there. And they say "a" and "b" which reminds me of the good ol pregnancy days :)

So there you go-hope you enjoyed the tour!

Snug as Bugs

I keep trying to come up with something different to blog about so that you guys don't get baby burnout before the kids even come home, but so far nothing has even come close to being blog worthy. We did get some of the best visitors ever this weekend. Adam and Rachel got to meet their friends: Wes, Lori, Lucy, and Baby Boy.

(Wes and Ryan were there too, but I guess we thought they weren't photo worthy-sorry boys)

We thought this would be the highlight of the week, however...
We got quite the surprise when we showed up at the hospital Sunday afternoon...and our babies were back together for the first time! No more incubators as long as they can hold their temperature.

Sorry the video is sideways :) If you're wondering what they're thinking, it's: "Happy Birthday, Gma Jean!"

One Month (and a day)

It's so unbelievable that the kids are a month old I hardly know what to say about it. But a picture speaks a thousand words anyway...

If he looks chubby-that's because he is 4 lbs 3 oz!
Rachel is 3.14-exactly one pound later...

Gma Jones is here visiting this week. The kids have enjoyed getting to know their great gma...

They both received blood transfusions this week (routine and expected) and had eye exams today. Although it was hard to watch them go through so much drama they handled things well and are doing well.

And-the biggest news of all-they both got to try eating from a bottle today! They both did reasonably well for their age, and will gradually increase their feeds as they get older.

So...despite being overly tired and mean to everyone around me, I am doing well and we are a happy family! Hard to imagine what the next month will bring, but we'll find out soon enough :)

Can't Wait

Well, it has been a good day, and I can't wait until Sunday to post another update. When we got to the hospital yesterday the first thing the nurse said was, "You can see their faces!" We hadn't met her before, and I wasn't sure what she meant at first. But then when we looked it become apparent. They no longer have their "nose tubes!" So now the only thing on their face is their feeding tube which they will have I think until right before they come home. But...we were able to celebrate this news with the chance to hold them together again, and put them in their first outfits from home. Today I was able to visit them for the first time all by myself and I was grateful for the chance for some Mom and baby bonding time. We are counting our blessings today. Let's just pray that they continue.

(Is anyone in my fam reminded of someone we all know and love in this pic?)

In case you can't tell, her onesie says, "Baby Fitz". Adam is wearing one too, but we didn't get a picture before he was swaddled again. Thanks Allison, for their cute clothes that actually almost fit!

Adam put his hand on his cheek and slept this way the entire time I was holding him, and after we put him back too!

The closest they've been since the womb! And just for you, Jenny-Rachel is on the left and Adam is on the right. (okay, it's for me too-I have been known to occasionally mix up my children.)

Week 3...

has been a busy one.

Tuesday night we got a message from our nurse who told us that our kids graduated to the lower level nursery! They still will get the same care and medications, but it meant that they were the "most stable" in the Level 3 NICU. Hooray!

Wednesday meant that Gma Jean went home. I thought maybe I was ready to handle things by myself, but after the last 5 days of waking up alone, washing bottles, folding laundry, grocery shopping and dishes on no sleep-I am definitely ready to have her back. Ryan has done a great job at stepping up though. He is living up to his end of the bargain to do the laundry if I change the diapers. (Don't be fooled-he has changed his share of diapers too)

On the 4th we showed up at the hospital at just the right time so we were able to have both kids out at the same time. So here is our first "family picture."

Sunday brought my first full day back at church, and also a release from primary. I am grateful for the break, but I will definitely miss my class. I still have one more week to say good-bye though since their new teacher will be out of town and I will substitute.

And....tonight we had a monumental FHE- we were able to give the kids their first real baths! Unfortunately, we don't have any documentation for this because it took all four of our hands to do it! Even though Rachel has the reputation for powerful lungs, it was Adam that cried through the whole thing. Rachel just stayed happy and wide eyed the entire time. And then we sent them to bed...And that's exactly where I need to be headed.

These pics are for Gma Jean-Rachel was happy to pose in her first outfit for you.