WHAT YOU WOULD’VE ASKED THE EXPERT IF YOU ONLY KNEW WHAT TO ASK

So I think this’ll be the title of a book I write someday. Now I basically just need you guys to re-word the title for me: I think it’s the most redundant sentence fragment I’ve ever read. And secondly, I kind of need you to write the book for me. That’s it. Just the title and the actual book. I’ll handle everything else. Here’s the gist:

I've learned a few lessons from professionals in my life. There was my Air Conditioner Salesman friend who told me to replace our air filter every month in the summer. I laughed at him, and froze our A/C unit solid 3 months later. Fortunately he also knew how to get a warranty company to replace a destroyed air conditioner. My truck driver father taught me the finer points of driving. He taught me to never turn your wheels when waiting to make a left hand or U-turn until you’re actually ready to turn. If you get rear-ended with your wheels straight, you move forward a few feet. If you get rear ended with your wheels turned already, you lunge into oncoming traffic. Or there was the time I soaked the roots of all my weeds in Roundup with little success. Only to have my chemist Father-in-law explain that Roundup is absorbed through the leaves and stems of plants, not the roots. I tried again and killed everything 24 hours later.

It’s good to ask the expert. But what are you supposed to ask? Many of the greatest tips and tricks in life are tidbits of wisdom you’d never think to ask, and are so routine to the experts, that they rarely think to tell. So what are you an expert at? What have jobs, classes, or life experience taught you? Do you have any tips on things that could make life better, easier, cheaper, or just more interesting for the rest of us? The ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes often results in a better outcome for both parties. So tell us what it’s like in your shoes. Teach the layman what you’re an expert on. I’ll get us started:

Airlines

If the security line's extremely long and you notice the First Class/Crew/Handicapped line is shorter, you can ask for a special "non metal detector" search. People with pacemakers and other medical conditions have to go this route. You'll be hand-searched, but if the line's significantly shorter and you don't have a problem with a federal employee invading your personal space, it can be a time-saver.

Never pay an overweight bag fee. Pull anything you have to out and stick it in a bag/box/jacket, etc. and keep it with you. Worst case scenario: if you have too much carry on baggage they may ask you to gate check it at the plane (for free), or 90% of the time they'll let you on without a problem.

If your plans are flexible, ask the gate agent if they need volunteers to give up their seats. If the flight is overbooked you can often get a free future roundtrip ticket, a hotel room, and meals. They place volunteers on a first come first served list so the sooner you ask the better your chances.

Yes, your luggage may be lost. For several days (though rarely forever). Be prepared, and don't pack anything too valuable in checked baggage.

Your flight may be delayed or cancelled. If you're flying somewhere for a major event, cruise, etc., give yourself at least a 24 hour cushion.

If a flight is delayed/cancelled due to weather or Air Traffic Control, the airline owes you nothing but the next available flight on their airline (which may be several hours, or even days later). If the flight’s delayed/cancelled for any other reason (maintenance, crew scheduling, etc.), they owe you a hotel room for the night, meals, and the next available flight on any airline at no additional charge. Don’t assume that because you’re flying from Las Vegas to Phoenix in summer means you’re immune to weather delays. Your inbound flight could’ve been from Alaska, and your flight could be delayed/cancelled due to bad weather last night in the Arctic. You still get nothing since the initial cause of the delay was bad weather.

If your flight’s delayed and you hear airline employees mention a flight’s going to “Triple 9” that means it’s going to cancel. When a flight cancels it shows up in airport systems as “999”. Employees will often delay telling passengers the flight’s been cancelled until they’ve found replacement flights, hotel rooms, etc.

Pilots and flight attendants are trained and authorized to fly one type of aircraft. So you may sit for hours as mechanics try to repair your 757, while a 737 sits idly by at the next gate. This is one reason Southwest and JetBlue have been so successful. Until recently they’ve been the only major US airlines to fly only one type of aircraft. That way all parts, mechanics, and flight crews are interchangeable.

Airline employees (at the airport, or the 800 #) have the ability to do pretty much anything you want at no additional charge. They're just not supposed to. If you get a nice one (sometimes you'll have to hang up and try several different employees), they can do anything you need.

If you see a soldier in First Class, know that they didn't pay for the upgrade, nor did the taxpayers. It's something airline employees like to do as a way of saying thanks.

Insurance

If you have any assets at all, your car insurance coverage should be at least 100/300k bodily injury, $50k property damage, and $100/300k uninsured motorists coverage. The minimum legal requirements are woefully inadequate. For example: the law only requires $10k property damage in most states. If you hit somebody's new $30k car, $10k worth of insurance still leaves you on the hook for $20k out of pocket. You could lose everything.

Raising your deductible from $500 to $1,000 is a good way to save money on your auto or homeowners insurance premium. Just make sure you can afford the higher amount if you did need to file a claim.

Don't file small insurance claims, especially if they're not much more than your deductible. They'll stay on your insurance record and could raise your premium for up to 5 years.

Tickets, accidents, and insurance claims stay on your record for 5 years. Though most companies stop punishing for minor tickets after 3 years. If you live in a city where attorneys can keep tickets off your record (3 cheers for Las Vegas), they're worth every penny. Far better to pay a lawyer once than your insurance company for years and years. Traffic school is the second best option if an attorney's not available.

Buy term life insurance. Whole/Universal/Variable life, etc. are far more expensive, and are best used as a tax shelter for the rich. The reason most agents will try to sell you whole, universal, and variable life insurance is that they make about 10 times the commission they do on term policies. Don’t mix life insurance with investments. Term life insurance is extremely cheap (a healthy man in his 20’s or 30’s can get $1 Million of coverage for about $20-25/month. Or enough insurance to pay off a mortgage for about $10/month.

Health Insurance: The expert doesn’t know any better than you on this one. Every health insurance company I’ve ever dealt with has been run by con artists who scam you and doctors out of your money and will give you the run around until you die (sometimes literally) before they’ll pay a claim. Knowing insurance law means I usually get problems resolved within months rather than years.

Pizza

If you buy pizza regularly, delivery guys remember who tips well and their food always gets delivered first. If you're not a regular customer and you need the pizza asap, tell the person taking your order to let the delivery guy know you'll tip well if they deliver it right away. They can often make it to your house within 15 minutes if you promise a big enough tip. note: It takes about 2 minutes to make a pizza, and 8 minutes to cook.

Don't ever stiff a pizza delivery guy. They know your name, address, phone #, and usually your credit card #. And if you ever order again, they spend a lot of time alone with your food. 10% (minimum of $2) is a reasonable tip. Slightly more is always nice if they get it to you quickly.

Never pay "menu price" for pizza. When you call, ask what specials they have.

Hotels

Hotel prices are almost always negotiable. If you have too much dignity to ask for a lower price, a simple flinch will often save you 10-30% without saying a word. Ask how much for a room and when they tell you, flinch. I like to make a little gasp to accentuate the surprise on my face. I've saved hundreds at hotels, car dealerships, mechanics, furniture stores, doctors, etc. without saying a word. Just swallowing my pride and doing a simple half second flinch.

Homeless

Most homeless people have mental problems. They’re too sane to be locked up in an institution, but too crazy to hold down a job. While there are certainly scammers out there, most of the homeless pushing a shopping cart or collecting cans have few other options. A full day of can collecting usually pays about $7 or $8 at the local recycling plant.

Lifeguards

Lifeguards are trained to scan their water every 15 seconds. They’re taught to scan in various patterns: up and down, side to side, concentric circles,…. to keep from falling asleep.

Don’t try to rescue someone from drowning without a flotation device to keep between you. They will latch onto you and push you under. If you absolutely have to go empty handed and are getting pushed under, you don’t have to punch people like in the movies. Push yourself further underwater. They won’t follow you. Then you can surface and try again.

Test Taking

On multiple choice tests most teachers/professors/test-writers will give several possible options that are only slightly off the correct answer. You can look for the answer that most resembles the majority of the other answers, and usually find the best option. A few examples:

The Portuguese word “I speak” is:
A. Fala
B. Falo
C. Folo
D. Hablo

Before reading on, can you guess the correct answer?

Whether or not you speak Portuguese, you should be able to determine that B is correct. Why? 3 of the 4 answers begin with an F. So it’s probably one of those 3. But we can also draw clues from answer D. Since it’s not likely that anyone will make 2 mistakes on the same word, we can assume that since the first letter is wrong, much of the rest is probably right. So we look for things that the other options also have in common. For example, the second letter is probably an A since 3 of the 4 options give us that choice. So knowing the first 2 letters are probably Fa, we’ve narrowed it down to options A or B. Since 3 of the 4 choices give us “o” as the last letter, we’re pretty safe in assuming B is the right choice.

Now another example. Only I won’t even give the question. I know this works because I took dozens of college tests without ever reading the questions (when you know as little about the material as I did, there's no point). I’m not saying it’s the best method, but I was able to pull a 60-70% on most tests without reading a single question. Still probably best to study, but if you’re unsure on a question, a 60-70% chance is a lot better than 25%. Note: Clever test-writers can consistently beat this technique, but they’re rare.

A. 2,360
B. 4,350
C. 2.35
D. 2,350

Don’t cheat! Have you figured it out yet? The last option is correct.

More on tests: There are numerous rules on what you can’t bring into a test. So focus on the few things you can. I was shocked how many anatomy students missed the question about how many ribs the human body has. I may have looked like a fool with my hand up my shirt, but I got it right. This technique can be particularly useful on math tests. If a standardized test doesn’t specifically state “Figures not drawn to scale” then they almost always are drawn to scale. I know the exact measurements of each digit on my hand, my palm, my fingernail, etc. Not only are these measurements useful in life (it’s like a built in tape measure), but they’re extremely handy on a geometry/trigonometry test. In addition to your body, you’re often allowed to bring a blank sheet of notebook paper to a test. Before the SATs for example, I memorized the angle from the bottom corner of my paper to where each blue line met the margin. When other people were punching away at their calculators to determine angles, I simply placed my piece of notebook paper over the angle to see where it hit the margin. I could read angles to within 1 degree in about 3 seconds.

Mark questions you’re unsure of so you can go back to them at the end. You’ll often find clues to the correct answer in other questions.

Grocery Stores

Don’t feel too bad if you leave your cart strewn across the curb in a parking lot, especially if the weather’s nice. Bag boys go on cart duty about once an hour and consider it a nice break from being inside. If you don’t put your cart away in inclement weather, there’s a special spot in Hell reserved for you.

Taxes

If you normally get a large tax refund, stop giving Uncle Sam an interest free loan all year. You can claim as many allowances (deductions) as you want on your paychecks. The IRS gives loose guidelines: ie. 1 deduction for self, 1 per child, etc. to help you estimate. But you’re allowed to enter as many as you want. If you’re unsure, ask your employer if you can see/revise your W4.

Disneyland

You can buy Disneyland tickets on e-bay for about half price. People buy multi-day passes at a large discount and essentially rent you the ticket for the day. Note that this technique doesn’t work at Disney World where they’ve taken to fingerprinting multi-day pass holders.

So let’s get started on this book… Tell us what you know!