That the Works of God Should be Made Manifest in Them

So I’ve given some thought to what I want our kids to learn from me. And no matter how much I love politics, sports, travel, etc., I realize that’s not the most important thing I can teach them. So while I’ll probably still ramble on this blog periodically about the aforementioned subjects, I think there’s something more important I can leave with them. I want them to know of the experiences in my life that have let me know there is a God, and that He cares about us. So I’ll start posting stories, experiences, and life lessons I’ve picked up along the way, in the hopes that they’ll be useful to our kids. And if they help someone else along the way, all the better. And I figured what better place to start than the beginning…

Amy (to me, shortly after we got married): “We’re going to have trouble getting pregnant, so if we want kids in 2 years, we should stop birth control now so we can get all the unsuccessful trying out of the way so we’ll be ready to try fertility treatments in 2 years when we really want to have a baby.”

Me: “You’re crazy. We’re both perfectly healthy. Why would you think we’d have any problems getting pregnant?”

Amy: “I just know. I can feel it.”

Me: “That’s insane.”

Me: (to Amy, childless, and in a fertility clinic 4 years later) “Sorry ‘bout that.”

Unfortunately in-vitro’s a really pricey proposition, but it was our only chance of having a baby. My family was graciously willing to let our business go into debt to finance the attempt. So we decided to move forward, but with some obvious financial concerns. A few weeks later we got a letter from our business’ insurance company. It explained some Wall Street stock stuff that I didn’t understand. Apparently the company was going public. And because we had our little business policy with them, we were going to receive a lot of money: out of the blue, for doing nothing. Enough to pay for the in-vitro treatments in full. We thanked God for this great blessing, paid off the doctors, and gave it a shot. But the pregnancy ended in miscarriage. We were crushed, and weren’t sure if we could afford (financially or emotionally) to try again. But through blessings and spiritual promptings, God had promised us (after 4 ½ years of marriage) that this would finally be the year Amy got pregnant. She was scheduled to take the pregnancy test on December 22^nd. When the dividend check finally arrived from the insurance company, it was for $15,000 more than we were told to expect. Just enough to pay for another in-vitro attempt, that would finally prove successful. Amy and I have always followed the biblical counsel to pay tithing.  Malachi 3:10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse…” And the Lord goes on to include an amazing promise to those who pay tithing  “… and prove me now herewith sayeth the Lord God of Hosts, if I will not open you the windows of Heaven, and pour you out a blessing that there shall not be room enough to receive it.” All our prayers and efforts had been in hopes of having a baby. And when we went in for the ultrasound and saw our two babies for the first time, we were brought to our knees by the Lord’s goodness. He didn’t give us what we wanted. He gave us so much more. He didn’t just send money out of the blue to cover one attempt. Or $15,000 more from out of nowhere to cover a second attempt. He blessed us in a way that there was truly “Not room enough to receive it.”

Through all the years of tears and sorrow wondering why God wouldn’t give us children, we were repeatedly prompted that one day we’d understand why we had to go through this. We wondered if we’d done something wrong, or if God didn’t think we were worthy to have children. And as I look back now, I’m reminded of the scripture in John 9, where Jesus passes a blind man and his disciples ask “Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?” and Jesus answered (before healing the man), “Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.” Think about that for a second. “…But that the works of God should be made manifest in him.” I think that could be the explanation for a great many of our trials. And I’ve been able to see the works of God made manifest in Adam and Rachel. They are the most amazing children. Happy, healthy, kind, and smart. As many of you know, they were born 3 months prematurely. Adam weighed 2 lbs. 13 ½ ozs. (you know it’s bad when doctors use half ounces), and Rachel was a whopping 2 lbs. 14 ozs. Amy still gets choked up when she’s doing her exercises, and the kids pick up her little 3 lb. weights to work out with her. They came so suddenly that doctors didn’t have time to give Amy steroid shots to help their lungs develop, like they do with most preemie babies before they’re born. The steroids would’ve helped give their lungs a fighting chance. Instead, the doctor’s report from Adam’s delivery stated: “Upon delivery Baby A cried, then gasped for air before being intubated.” And Rachel’s report read similarly. The first week the kids were in the NICU, we gave them priesthood blessings. Any touching of their heads could’ve led to intercranial hemorrhaging.  So rather than lay our hands on their heads, we placed our right pinky fingers lightly on each child’s arm, and trusted that God would understand. One nurse, realizing we were LDS, took me aside one day and told me “You know, you can get permission from your Bishop to do the children’s formal name & blessing ceremony in here. I know how important that is.” “That’s OK” I answered naively, “we’re going to do that at church in a few months when they get out.” Only later did I realize what she meant. “You might want to do this now, because they might not make it out.” The kids spent their first 3 months in the NICU before going home, and being blessed at church. 

We’ve been reminded the past few weeks just how blessed we were. A nurse recently found out our children were born at 29 weeks, and opened with “are they still with us?” We confirmed the children were both still alive. The OB then read the chart and asked “So, cerebral palsy, blindness,… what long-term issues do they have as a result of the prematurity?” Which I could only answer through tears of gratitude, “Well, Adam’s got a faint scar on his shin from all the IVs.”

That the works of God should be made manifest in them.