Every Party Needs One...

a Pooper, that is...Normally I wouldn't post about something so disgusting, but these past few days have been so comical, I thought I would try to share...

Our kids have been very nice to us so far-diaper wise- so just to even things out:

Wednesday 4:48 pm...We had a pleasant afternoon at the doctor's office and a few random errands. While pulling out of the bank Ryan asks if he can go to the post office or if he needs to drop us off first. The kids are content so I figure a few more minutes in the car can't hurt....

4:55pm...Ryan hurries into the PO to stand in the "we're closing and everyone decided to come at the end of the day" line. I spend the first few minutes jamming to some music. In the back of my head I am thinking that I smell poop, but then dismiss it because 1). I often smell it even when it's not there and 2). I figured it was from the diaper bag with previously soiled diapers in it. I then decide to peek into the back to see if any of the children possibly have fallen asleep.

5:03...Rachel is getting fussy so I decide to go for the smell check...affirmative. So I figure I have time to kill, and pull her out of the car seat, and set up quite a nice changing station in the front seat-only hoping that no one wants to pull in next to me as the parking lot is quite full. Despite some "you're torturing me" crying we pulled it off and I am thankful that we didn't get any of the offense on her white pants (esp. since I already did laundry earlier).

5:10pm...Since I still have time to kill I figure I will crawl into the backseat and entertain the kids while I wait. I sit down next to a content and smiling Adam. I still smell something foul and lean in to get a whiff...affirmative! So I start unbuckling his car seat and lift him up. Gasp! His pants are soaked! So we attempt another front seat diaper change all while Adam screams from discomfort and Rachel screams due to neglect and fatigue. This time I am hoping that no one needs to park next to me-not because I'm blocking the spot-because they would call child protective services!

5:20pm...Ryan comes out of the PO just in time to see me carrying a stripped boy around the car to the back. He helps me get him into his jacket (the only piece of clothing not soiled). Since he's happy and dry, and Rachel has fallen asleep, we decide to be brave and still got gas before heading home. Whew!

5:45pm...Rachel asleep in crib. Adam happily playing. I retrieve the soiled laundry from the car and put it in a tub to soak. I figure I can put together a load in the morning.

6:15pm...Rachel wakes up hungry. All is well. She finishes her bottle and I pick her up to burp her. Then I feel a little damp. Then I realize that her pristine white pants aren't so pristine anymore. Neither is my shirt. I guess she just wanted to be thorough. Add 2 more pieces of laundry to the soaking bin.

7:18pm...Ry is getting Adam into his last diaper of the day. He isn't fast enough. Adam gets new pajamas. While it is only the #1 variety, I figure while I was at it I might as well add soiled pj's to the bin to soak.

Thursday morning...wash all soiled clothes. I actually washed and put away 3 loads this morning.

3:15pm...Just about to feed Rachel. Decide to prop bottle and go take a quick potty break myself. Decide at the last minute to pick her up and check her diaper...and then proceeded to run to the sink to prevent the gushing down her legs that is taking place. Still need to take a potty break myself. Call for Ryan to come. As you can imagine this just thrills him to hold a soiled child over the sink for 5 minutes. I come back to him chanting, "Mommy should be faster, Mommy should be faster." I gingerly take R and transfer her to the changing pad. Ryan goes back to work but not before exclaiming, "There's feces in the sink!"

3:22pm...change yet another soiled diaper, prop the bottle again (I know, I'm bad), and add yet 2 more pieces of clothing in to soak. I guess I'm doing laundry again tomorrow...and disinfecting the sink.

Next time we have a pooper at our parties...I'm inviting YOU!