A Good Compliment

Compliments are rare in a society that so readily promotes focus on oneself. In a world of self esteem, self improvement, and self realization, it seems there’s little time to uplift our neighbor. And that’s a shame. Compliments are quick, easy, free, and yet they have the power to ennoble the spirit like no self satisfaction ever could. And yet we resist giving them. I’m not quite sure why. Why is it awkward to tell someone openly and sincerely what we admire about them? Is it a subconscious ego driven belief that by elevating another, we’ll somehow find ourselves abased? We all remember compliments we’ve received. Though if you’re like me, some likely stand out far more than others. Compliments you won’t likely forget in 10, nay, even 100 years. The problem is, you never know which compliments will stick; which compliments will merely brighten someone’s day, and which will last a lifetime. But if brightening someone’s day is the worst that can happen, well perhaps it’s worth a shot.

I remember that 12 years ago Renee mentioned I look handsome in my orange plaid shirt.
I recall Wes pointing out that "Ryan’s not the type to ever be defined by his job. He’ll never be Ryan the Insurance Agent, Ryan the Teacher, or Ryan the Doctor. He’ll always just be Ryan."
And I recollect a time when Amy said of me "He is passionate about life and is determined to make sure everyone else is too."

And those things have stuck with me. In the hopes that a few of them will stick with you, here are some thoughts I had about each of you (I’m trying to focus specifically on people who I think actually read our blog, so if you happen to stop by and aren’t mentioned, let me know. If I like you, I may compliment you too). And while these compliments would likely be better expressed in person, I feel that it’s better to give a token electronic compliment now than to wait what may be several months or years before I see some of you again, and can properly compliment you in person.

Alaina’s blog still amazes me. She takes breathtaking pictures, and I’m not sure if she uses a tripod and a timer, or if she merely surrounds herself with good photographers, because even the pictures she’s in turn out amazingly well.

Pulsipher (Heather if you will) is a girl you can talk to just like one of the guys.

Allison keeps in touch better than anyone I know. I’m a lousy friend. I rarely return calls or emails. I’m the type of low maintenance friend you usually only hear from once or twice a year. Allison refuses to allow this type of friendship slacking. For which I’m grateful.

If Chad gives you his word on something, you can rest assured that it’ll either happen, or he’s dead. He’s also the nicest human being I know. You may have heard the familiar mantra "good things happen to good people." Well good things happen to Chad all the time. You can bring him anywhere and know that he’ll instantly love the people you introduce him to, and they’ll immediately love him in return. He has an uncanny ability to connect and empathize with people. Wes, Amy and I have often worried that while we each consider him one of our very best friends, that there are likely thousands of people scattered across the globe who feel the exact same way. And maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

Adrianna's changing the world. She lives her life like Robin Williams in one of those inspirational dramas. She's classy enough to impress society's finest, yet humble enough to be accepted by its lowliest. And she's got a great laugh. I spent 3 years of high-school trying to get her to crack up in class just to hear it.

Lauren's the kind of friend who makes you feel like you're living a real life Friends episode. She's so fun and entertaining it almost seems scripted. She's without a doubt the greatest pumpkin carver of all time. And Lauren really lives. She's probably lived more in her 20-something years on this earth than most people do in a lifetime.

I heard so much hype about how cool this girl Jeanine in Southridge’s apt. 28 was that I expected a letdown when I finally got the chance to meet her. She was even cooler than I’d been told.

Merrill is the hardest worker I’ve ever seen. Everyone around him instinctively works harder in his presence. He’s a manly man who cares far more about people than he’d ever let on.

Jamie is an incredible cook. She’s gotten me to acknowledge that some home-made food may actually be better than Panda Express.

Rebecca is the kind of friend who brings you cookies and a homemade card for a holiday you wouldn’t have even remembered if you didn’t get the day off school. She’s the kind of friend who makes you want to be a better friend (and learn all the miscellaneous holidays).

I think I’ve met Kayla once, maybe twice. But she’s the type of person you’ll never forget. Her soul lights up a room.

Katrina is the kind of best friend you want your wife to have. And she’s one of my favorite people to argue with. Her patient listening, and intelligent rebuttals have come closer than I ever thought possible to convincing me that Western medicine may not be the only way.

Blair was the sigh of relief Amy and I breathed when Katrina finally picked a great guy to date. We liked him immediately. And like his wife, he’s one of the few people who disagrees with me on some issues that I don’t think is an idiot.

Eric’s the kind of Husband and Father I think I’m supposed to be, but I hope Amy hasn’t noticed. He looks after his wife with the greatest of concern, and is more patient with his kids after 2 years than most Dads are after 2 hours.

Jenny is an individual. There’s no one else like her. I’ve often heard women ask "Could I pull this off?" "No, but Jenny could." And that phrase seems to personify her in a way that extends beyond clothes. No matter what it is, if anyone can pull it off, it’s Jenny. She’s the type who does things for people without wanting anyone to know. And I imagine there have been countless anonymous kind acts that are known only to Jenny and to God. There are two types of humble people. Doormats, and strong individuals who voluntarily choose to put others first. Jenny is the latter.

Kevin and Emma are the most well-rounded parents I know. Most parents fall to one side of the spectrum or the other on various issues. They're either strict disciplinarians, or their kids run wild. They're overly protective, or they're somewhat neglectful. They're obsessive, or they're apathetic, etc. I used to think it was impossible for a parent to simultaneously take on both sides of these seemingly contradictory roles. But Kevin and Emma, working as a team, seem to jump from one end of the parenting spectrum to the other flawlessly depending on the situation. They're the perfect family, because there's no one thing that defines them. It's an overall balance that makes it the ideal place for a child to grow up.

Jeff P. is one of the very few guys on a short unpublished list of people I once told my wife she’d be allowed to remarry if I were to die.

Amy P. is the first person I trusted to make a decision for me during my ridiculously over the top marriage proposal. She picked out the perfect frame and mat for our temple picture that still hangs in our living room today.

Royce is probably more like me than anyone I know. Which, coming from me, is a great compliment. He dreams big, travels the world flying standby, writes long Christmas letters, loves to have fun, and is genuinely a nice guy.

Heather is the kind of person quote walls were made for. Her verbiage is a never ending stream of insightful hilarity. You just can’t help but be happy when you’re in her presence. And unlike most perpetually happy people, she’s 100% real. Doesn’t have a fake bone in her body.

Chrissy is an awesome ex-girlfriend. She’s got a heart of gold, and she’s willing to sacrifice so much of herself for others. Plus she’s probably the only other person I know who loves Macayo’s Mexican restaurant. Unless, she doesn’t…and she only tolerated it for me all those years? In which case, see the first half of the compliment.

Clyde loves his family more than words can describe. During the difficult ups and downs with our kids last year, I don’t think anyone said so little, or cared so much. I know that he’d have given anything in the world to see his daughter’s dream of having children come true. And seeing the joy on his face when it finally did is a moment we won’t soon forget.

I often joke with Marjean that "people who think they know everything are very irritating to those of us who do." Marjean is a born leader. There are two types of leaders. Those designated "leader" by virtue of their title, and those who emerge from the crowd when the need arises. Much has been said of the heroic crew in the recent US Airways Hudson River landing, and rightfully so. But little was mentioned of the passengers on board. This is the country where citizens routinely trample each other to death over Tickle-Me-Elmos and Nintendo Wiis. So how then did 150 passengers calmly exit a sinking plane in an icy river? Said one passenger: "The flight attendants helped, but there were some regular passengers who took charge, told everyone to calm down, and what to do." Marjean’s the type of person you want sitting in your emergency exit row. They type you want on the phone as you race your pregnant wife to the hospital. And while it’s rarely a life threatening issue, I’ve seen her leadership save countless activities, events, parties, meetings, and weddings.

Jill is perfect. I could probably end the compliment there, but I guess I’ll expound. She’s the type of sister who makes you a better brother. She’s as confident and successful as anyone I know. Yet she remains humble enough to take advice and learn from the wisdom of others. And when you know your advice and example will be followed, you tend to weigh it far more carefully. So by her willingness to trust you, she makes you more trustworthy.

Michelle once dated the greatest guy I ever met. And even he didn’t deserve her. She’s that cool. She’s so clever and witty you find yourself growing wittier in her presence. You sense that if you could just think a little quicker, your dialogue would be almost Gilmoresque. And her passion for literature once inspired me to sit on the grass and read Pride and Prejudice. All 40 pages of it.

Wes is the most courageous man I know. Said JK Rowling: "It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends." Wes had to stand up to his friends a lot growing up. He was the unspoken leader of the group by virtue of his character. And while his leadership may well have saved some of our lives, or at least prevented imprisonment, I think one of his greatest legacies may be the 10-15 of his friends who served missions largely because of him.

Lori. I love Lori. It’s clear she’s a much better person than you, but you still feel good about yourself when you’re around her. She’s the kind of person who doesn’t need to employ a once a year "I’m going to make everyone feel good about themselves" blog tactic. She lives it every day. And she’s an amazing writer. With the advent of spell check in modern times, she may be one of the finest I’ve read (and I’ve read 40 pages of Jane Austen). Sometimes I’ll stare down at my beautiful kids lying asleep at night, and just think "I wish Lori could be in my head right now to somehow convey my thoughts in writing."

Rachel’s great. Wes and I used to drive over to the East Side of town every weekend to hang out with her and her friends. You know how different people bring out different facets of your personality? I always liked the person I was when I was around Rachel. She brings out the best in people.

Ron is the same guy no matter the circumstances. Which makes you a geek in Junior High and High School, and the coolest guy in college and the real world. He’s absolutely hilarious. And he has a contagious enthusiasm that turns the most trivial projects into entertaining ventures. Like stadium seating in a dorm room. Plus he’s the most likely person I know to someday coin a phrase that will become part of the English language.

I like Marji. She’s got a good sense of what’s important in life. And she’s perfect for Ron. Plus she had Hawaiian shirts and really good food at her wedding reception. It just doesn’t get any better than that.

My Dad’s fearlessness is born of honesty. He’s true to his principles with 100% integrity. And without the sense of inner-hypocrisy that overshadows most people, he’s free to speak his mind and heart without trepidation.

My Mom would do anything for her kids. And I appreciate that she never gave up on me. As a somewhat obstinate teenager, I’d occasionally push her to the end of her rope. Throughout the years there were a few times she simply couldn’t take it anymore, and told me she was giving up on me. It’s perhaps the only promise she never made good on. Sure enough, 24 hours later she’d be back at it, dragging me out of bed and forcing me out the door so I could graduate.

I like my wife. Sure I love her. But most married couples have that. I genuinely like her. A lot. She’s my favorite person to talk to. She’s the greatest mother that ever lived. Amy’s as passionate and dedicated to the important things in life as I am to the trivial. She’s the perfect mix of the cool girl you can hang out with, the beautiful lady you want to take out, and the compassionate nurturer you want raising your children.