One Baby Would be So Easy

These are words that have been expressed several times in the last month. not that we diminish anyone who has one baby...we know it is a lot of sleepless nights and hard work. I can't even imagine what it would be like to also have a toddler or such running around. But just in case anyone wants to know what it's like to have two:

• Even though you get pretty good at recognizing their cries, every once in awhile it surprises you that it's really Adam and not Rachel


• When you have one, it is easy to decide who to help. With two, it is a toss up. Already this morning I have gotten Rachel's milk out 4x, only to put it back. Adam has been fed first twice now while she slumbers.
• Luckily, Ryan allows me to sleep pretty soundly for a few hours at night. But I am always anticipating when it is time to get up. I had a minor outpatient procedure last week. When the nurse called my name to wake me up, I put my arms out and thought, "Is it my turn? Okay-I'm getting up." When I opened my eyes to the hospital room I admit I was a little disappointed not to be greeted by a cute baby.


• I pray for Ryan to wake up/come home so he can hold a screaming baby. But wait-that means that I still am holding a screaming baby.


• You use one bottle to prop up a second bottle to feed one while you hold another.


• We write names on bottles, but we have long since given up on gender. It is not unusual to see Adam in a pink blanket, or Rachel with a blue binki. So far we have avoided Adam in a dress, but just give us time..


• When I am holding one, I miss the other terribly (even though I am secretly praying they will sleep longer)


• When I am holding both (and pumping at the same time) I sure wonder how on earth I got here and what I did to deserve such greatness.

So even though we have given up:

• sleep


• showers


• food


• hygiene of any kind


• shopping


• leaving the house


• being alone


• clean clothes


• clean house


• hobbies


• communication with the outside world,

We have gained:

• major multi tasking skills


• armfuls of love


• Adam's smile


• Rachel's eyes


• a changing table full of diapers


• lots of little laundry


• lots of tears of happiness, sadness, and frustration


• lots of bottles, and binkis-everywhere (except where on earth do binkis go? I swear I just bought 20 of them and they're all gone)


• fear and hope for the future


• a lot more stress


• the ability to accept help (a little bit more)


• germ-o-phobia (seriously-I am nuts!)


• a love of Dr. Pepper (shh-don't tell)
• the inability to express just exactly what it's like...

In other words: We have a family. And we love it (most of the time) :)

I have a lot to live up to

So my mom left today. Almost for good. She is coming back when we bless the kids, but that trip will be more for fun than to be my slave. Ryan and I searched our brains for a gift or a token or something to say thank you, but nothing would be good enough. And it's not just because of what my mom does-because lots of moms come to help their daughters with new babies-it's because of who she is. It's because every part of her is a mother. She doesn't have any other function or purpose (well she does-she just doesn't focus on them).

This is just a taste of what she does:

In May she came out here and not only helped me furnish my house with every baby contraption I would need, she then went to Salt Lake with me and threw my friend and I a lovely shower.

In June she was the first person I called when I thought I was in labor (not even Ryan knew how badly I was hurting) and she was the one I was on the phone with when my water broke (although I sure wish it was the doctor). She was the one that helped me breathe on a very scary car ride to the hospital so Ryan could focus on driving oh so skillfully through red lights. I give her all the credit for Adam not being born in the car.
She was the one that booked a flight, packed a suitcase, made a steak dinner and was at the airport all while I was still numb from my spinal. She was also at the hospital that first night almost before I had even visited my kids.
She was the one that stayed for 3 weeks helping me recover from my c-section- helping me shower, get dressed, eat, pump, buy groceries, cook, drive, clean, and help with a second baby shower.

But then, she doesn't get to go home and enjoy herself. She goes to visit my brother and tend my 2 yr. old nephew for a week. Then-she still doesn't really get a rest because her calling as RS president keeps her busy for the remaining weeks my kids are at the hospital.
And then- when the doctor tells me that I get to take Adam home-my first phone call was to Ryan-followed ever so closely to my mom. She had her plane ticket within 10 minutes. She was there just in time for us to take him home. And then when the kid decided to have a problem and stay at the last minute-she never complained once that she came too early-even when that meant being separated from my dad on their 35th anniversary, or dealing with a toothache because of a missed dentist appointment.

For 2 weeks she once again did all the things that I couldn't do-cook, clean, laundry, feed babies, go without sleep, etc. etc. And once again does she get to go home and rest? No-she goes to CA and not only attends my cousin's wedding-she does all the floral arrangements for it including adding flowers to the cake and helps decorate the yard and house for the reception. Ryan and I were left to handle things on our own-and I'll admit I was counting the minutes until she came back!

After the wedding, she comes back here for 1 more week of being a grandmother. And even when I have gotten more sleep than her, she still insists on taking the babies and sending me to bed. And I have to admit I took advantage-on a few occasions I secretly wished A or R would cry harder to wake her up!

And now she is on a flight home. But is she going to be able to rest now? No-she is immediately leaving for Detroit to go to my nephew's baptism. And I know she will put just as much effort into helping and loving that family as she does mine.

And then she will have just a few more weeks before she is back here to help me get ready for the many out of town guests that will be coming for the baby blessing.

Will she be able to rest after that? Maybe, just maybe. But somehow I doubt it. Because of who she is. Because when she is not being a mother or a grandmother, she is being a RS pres, a neighbor, a daughter, and a friend. Somehow she doesn't think she gets very much done in a day. But I know better. I know that when people tell me that I have a great mom that they don't know the half of it.
And I know that when I say that my mom is my best friend-that doesn't cover enough either.
So I can't even come close to saying Thank You. All I can do is try to be the kind of mom that you have always been-someone who always puts her kids first no matter what. But I know that I won't be able to do nearly as good of a job. Because I have already failed. I already have put myself before my kids plenty of times. And while I know that they will forgive me and we will be fine without you- we sure would be better off with you here and we sure hope you know that we will never forget what you have done for us this summer-and my whole life.
And tomorrow when I wake up and you're not here and I call you on the phone and cry-it won't just be because I am tired. It won't just be because I need you to feed or change a screaming kid. It won't just be because I have laundry to fold again. It will be because even if you never helped at all-I would still need you.

Round One

goes to Rachel for her impressive use of the eye gouge
but at least they're still friends

24 Hours

10:00-pump and go to bed-wake up at 1 to help Ryan-wake up at 3:30 to start my shift-feed baby a-burp and put down-starts crying while feeding baby b-put him next to me and hold binki with one hand while burping with the other-wipe up spit-put a down while burp r-pump-store milk-take a nap while holding a-pray I don't roll on top of him-wash 10 bottles (60 parts)-put binki in a-change r's diaper-put a in sling and hold r on top of him-warm bottles-feed a in right hand, r in left-think about taking pictures-can't find camera-pick up trash-eat a bananna-ry wakes up and goes to meeting-prespot clothes-write down who ate what when-suction out r's nose-prepare bottles for next feeding-change diapers-do dishes-think about putting away laundry-hold crying babies instead-eat a bowl of cereal-pump-feed babies-pack diaper bag-give a bath-give r bath-make a sandwich-get babies in car seats-drive to eye doctor-feed a before appointment-feed r after appointment-get dinner on way home-ry does church visits-feed a while r sleeps-feed r while a cries-put on music and hold binki in-change diapers-add vitamins to milk-soak stained laundry-empty diaper bin-bring in paper towels-take out trash-think about wiping counters-read the kids a bedtime story instead-family scripture study and prayer-read about our friend's great new baby-think about taking pictures again-still can't find camera-pump-go to bed!

Hmmm...this doesn't seem as hard as I thought it would. But believe me, if you could see the acrobatics that go on around here, you would be impressed!

Thanks for the support from everyone. I promise I will take more pictures soon!

The Fitz Fam

...is complete. All day I have been thinking of the significance of this day. This is what we were up to last year...and this is where we are today...

Rachel is home!

and is happy to be back with her brother
Highlight of the day: cutting off my hospital bracelets!

Rachel still is a slow eater, but she burps louder than anyone (I mean it) and she loves getting a bath...

and this....is happiness.